Wufei vs The Frying Pan
by StandingOnTheRooftops
Summary: AU. Wufei wants to surprise his lover Duo, but it's Wufei who gets a rather unwelcome surprise! Humor, slight language. Set in 'Vegas' timeline/storyline, but can be read alone. Set roughly 2-3 months after 'Debate', and several years before 'Hold Me'.


_**Title: Wufei Vs. The Frying Pan**_

_**Author: Standing On The Rooftops**_

_**Co-Author/Beta: Violet Eyed Demon**_

_**Pairings: 2x5**_

_**Genre: Humor, sap, fluff**_

_**Summary: Wufei decides to sneak in and surprise his lover. But turns out *he's* the one who gets the surprise. And it's not exactly what he'd call a welcome one, either.**_

~*0102030405*~

Wufei couldn't help but smirk as he got out of his car. All week long, classes and other things had kept him from seeing his boyfriend as much as he'd have liked. Hell, a few stolen moments before and after their shared Lit class was all they'd had!

It was Duo's first year, and Wufei's second at Vanderbilt. Neither could afford to skip classes and their schedules were packed full. Duo's last class was Lit, but after that Wufei- trying to graduate early- had a double-length American History class.

But when the last half of AH had been cancelled, Wufei'd been all too happy to high-tail it to Duo's apartment. His lover's car was parked right in front of the building... and Wufei blinked at what he saw. There was a Jeep sitting beside it. A rugged type Jeep, the top removed, and a nice deal of mud around the wheels. But it was the color that really got him. It was a very pretty... but bright... metallic aquamarine blue. And it had Violet purple accents, a stripe down the length of the sides, and the top bars as well were bright purple.

Wufei snickered at the outlandish Jeep. He was glad he didn't know anyone crazy enough to drive such a vehicle. He bypassed the cars and went up the stairs to the second story door. He didn't knock, but tried the door. It was unlocked. Good.

Wufei, silent as mist, creeped along, quietly closing the door behind him. Some soft type music was playing in the background and helped mask his footsteps as he slipped his jacket off. He could see his lover in the kitched, over the bar. A long braid of chestnut dropping down a back, past a slim waist. Long, lean legs clad in rather loose jeans. Wufei tried to remember ever seeing Duo in anything but tight, form fitting jeans, but couldn't. Hmm... the view wasn't bad. A tight little rear, but nothing given away or flaunted. Okay... so there were things loose jeans were good for. From the looks of things... Duo was cooking.

Hmm. Wufei hadn't known Duo could cook. Well, beyond the microwave that is, but the smell of some delicious Italian something or other was wafting all through the apartment. Wufei made sure to duck behind the counter, a wicked idea playing in his mind. It was out-of-character for him... but he *did* like spontaniety every now and then. And it would be worth it to surprise Duo. So, the Chinese man waited and then when Duo's back was to him...Wufei pounced.

His arms encircled his lover's waist, and he dropped an open-mouthed, needy kiss against the exposed neck.

"Surprise, baby," he said huskily, grabbing a handful of his lover's pert little ass through the loose denim, "If you're going to cook, then you really should do it with an apron on... and nothing else," he growled playfully. He was totally unprepared for what happened next.

"Aie!" The jar of pasta Duo was holding dropped to the floor, clattering and spreading pasta across the floor. Then an elbow shoved it's way back into Wuei's abdomen. The air wooshed from his lungs as he let go and stumbled back a few steps. Lights danced behind his eyes before he was able to open them again.

The fey creature was standing there. Loose jeans slung low on hips much wider than Wufei remembered his lover having. A blue tank top that sported off small... but still perfectly clear breasts. The face was the same, the eyes maybe a bit smaller, the nose not as upturned, the mouth a bit more off center, but still the same. The hair, too. Same length. Right color. And same silky soft texture, Wufei thought, remembering the feel of it against his cheek. And this Duo look-alike had a large metal skillet clutched in their hands.

What the Hell...

"You're not Duo..." Wufei stated, confused.

"No shit! I've got a frying pan and I'm not afraid to use it!" She brandished the skillet like a baseball bat. "Okay, perv, who the HELL are you? And why the hell are you in my brother's apartment?" She screeched in a rather more soprano version of Duo's voice.

"I should be asking you who the hell you are and what are you doing in my *boyfriend's* apartment?"

Both looked at each other for a moment before realizing what had been said.

"Boyfriend?" "Brother?"

They spoke at the same time.

Wufei looked closer. Duo had mentioned something about having sisters... three to be exact. Vannessa, Hilde, and Delana. So maybe....

"You're Duo's sister?" Wufei hazarded the question... keeping his eye on the frying pan.

"Like 'DUH'," she said. "I'm definately not his brother! Idiot."

"I'm not an idiot," Wufei retorted.

The look on the girl's face turned to what Duo often refered to as a 'RAWR' expression. Yeah... rawr definately covered that look. She took a better grip on the skillet, swinging it back a little.

"I don't beleive this!" she growled.

At that moment... Duo opened the apartment door and walked in, a bag from the supermarket next door clutched in his hands. "Don't beleive what?"

"YOUR BOYFRIEND TRIED TO MOLEST ME!" The girl exclaimed.

"HEY! I thought you were DUO!" Wufei snapped back.

"NOW HE'S SAYING I LOOK LIKE A GUY!" She pouted, growing angrier. The skillet moved another cenimeter back, the threat multiplying.

"Wufei?" Duo questioned. "Are you calling my sister a guy?"

"No," Wufei said. "She's a beautiful girl, but she's not *you*. She's not anywhere near you! I mean, no offense, she's got a great ass and all but..."

"PARDON!" Duo gasped, dropping the grocery bag to the floor. "What did you say about my sister's ass? Why are you looking at my sister's ass?"

"I thought she was you!" Wufei exclaimed.

"So you're saying I have a guy's ass?" the girl demanded, violet eyes glittering in rage. "You've done nothing but insult me since you showed up here! First with the grabbing my ass, and now by telling me it's a guy's ass... what kind of sicko pervert are you anyway?"

"Wait..." Duo shouted. "YOU GRABBED MY SISTER"S ASS!"

Wufei sighed. Almost on the verge of tears, he repeated his mantra. "I thought she was you! I mean, from behind and all, you look the same!"

Duo took a deep calming breath, then let it out in a gusty laugh. "'Fei... stop already. You're just digging yourself in a deeper hole. You should know by now that I'll agrue with a brick wall... and I learned it from her!" He pointed to the girl with the skillet. "Fei, meet my twin sister Delana. Delana... this is my boyfriend Chang Wufei."

Wufei took a small step back and toward Duo. "A pleasure." He murmured, eyes still on the frying pan. He gently tugged Duo in front of him.

"Fei?"

"Is she going to put down the frying pan?" He whispered hotly in Duo's ear.

Duo blinked. "Frying pan? Sis, where did you find a frying pan? Who's is it?"

Delana binked. "Your's you idiot. It's been under your sink."

Duo's mouth dropped open. "I own a frying pan? Since when? Who the hell bought it?"

Delana laughed lighty and slowly her arms lowered. Her shoulders then began to shake with laughter. "Oh Duo," She gasped.

Wufei fidgeted behind him, fingers hooking in Duo's belt loops. He tugged Duo back a little. "Fei?"

"I'm keeping you between the two of us for awhile. The frying pan in still in her hands."

Duo snickered. "You shouldn't fear my sister," Duo faltered. "Wait you should, but only if you hurt me or one of my baby sisters. I don't think you'd hurt me though."

"Not if I can help it." Wufei breathed against his neck, hands sliding into back pockets quickly. With a light, gentle squeeze he withdrew them and bent to pick up the fallen bag.

"Chang Wufei huh?" Wufei jerked up at the sound of his name falling from Delana's lips. It wasn't quite a sneer, but she definately didn't sound happy about him. It was more... a resigned kind of sigh. Eyes the same color as his lover's roved over him. Eerie, he thought. Those eyes were identical to the one's he loved so much.

"Yes ma'am?" Wufei hesitated.

Delana frowned. "No, no. Delana is perfectly fine. Seeing as how you're dating my brother, I should try to make friends with you." She muttered the last part.

"Try?" Duo growled playfully, stalking over to his sister and snatching the frying pan away. "How bout you will."

Delana looked at him skeptically, noting that despite the teasing tone, Duo was perfectly serious."Fine." She sighed. No one could argue with Duo and win.

"Thank you." Duo placed a kiss to her cheek. "Uh, something's burning." Delana gasped and turned back to the stove. Duo looked back at Wufei and held out his hand, a smirk playing at his lips. Wufei shuffled forward, handing the bag to Duo. His eyes flickering to the sister. Duo grinned. "Lana, I'll be back."

"Wait where you going?" She looked back over her shoulder to see her brother grab his boyfriend's hand.

"To get drinks!" Duo used his other hand to wave. "Be back!" He pulled Wufei from the apartment, grinning.

Delana frowned as the door closed behind her brother and his boyfriend. Wufei wasn't exactly what she'd expected, she thought, grabbing the broom and dustpan to sweep up the uncooked pasta that had been spilled across the floor.

She couldn't say she really liked this guy. He'd already made her brother cry once, she thought. But it was nice to see Duo smile like that.

Duo always smiled... but that kind of smile just lit up the room. It was a hundred times better than anything she'd ever seen on Duo's face before. Delana stared at the pasta as it fell into the trash can, piece by piece. Shattered and whole, unuseable.

She would deal with this sexy Chinese man. At least until when and *if* he hurt her brother again.

And then Chang Wufei was a dead man.


End file.
